Whew, its been a while!

I almost forgot about this thing! I need to just take more time to stop and smell the roses... and blog!
Anyway...
Many many moons ago, when my Grams was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, she was put on a specific diet using food exchanges. I went on this diet with her and I lost quite a bit of weight. It worked, I ate healthy and in return I became healthier. I felt good!

I need to do this again. Lately I have come to accept myself as a big girl. I am starting to get to the point where I honestly dont care what other people think, and dammit I am beautiful! But, alas, I still want to loose the weight. But I dont want to do it for looks. I dont want to do it for other people that have to look at me. I want to do it to be healthy. As of right now I dont like how I feel. I feel unhealthy. No.... really, most days, I just flat out feel like crap. So I think now is the time that I have to just force myself to bring forth the will power to stop eating junk and eat better.

Tonight I went online and I calculated what my ideal weight should be for my height and weight. My goal is to get myself down to 150lbs. That's 125 lbs (*gasp!*) that I need to loose. I dont plan to try and loose it in a matter of just months, like I did ages ago when I did this with Grams. I want to do it slow and healthy. So, based on my goal and other factors, I am going to go on 1,800 calories a day. I printed up a daily breakdown of the exchanges I can eat for each meal. I also printed up the exchange list. So as of Friday... A.K.A. payday.... I am going to go shopping and get the proper food for this diet... no, not diet! This new way of life! I am going to do this dammit, and I am going to live healthy!

Back to the real world!

Yesterday I started back to work. After 3 weeks off, I went in feeling nice and refreshed and ready to tackle the day. By then end of the day, the feeling was starting to wind down, but I think its still there. I am tired though. I guess sitting on my butt for 3 weeks will do that. And I am sure by the end of the week, that refreshment will be gone, lol. Anyway, off to tackle another day... here I go!

Strange Fear

Ok so here's the deal. I have this strange phobia of large bodies of water at night. It's not hydrophobia. That's just a fear of water. I don't fear water, I just have a fear of lots of water only at night. It's so odd. And I dont really think its the water itself so much. I think its the fact that its so dark, and not knowing what is under it that I fear. There is no way I could get myself in a lake at night time. Nope. Wouldnt do it. But its gotten to the point over the years that even just being near a large body of water at night time makes me uncomfortable. When I was still up in MI, there was this lake that I would have to drive over when I was working as a lab courier. I swear on my life, going over that bridge at night time FREAKED me out! I couldnt look at the water. Driving past a lake at night time... FREAKY. Now, normally a swimming pool at night is cool. In fact I prefer to swim in a pool at night, its so relaxing and quiet. But tonight I went down to the pool... and I was fine until I saw some debris floating in the water. (It stormed earlier tonight, lots of wind.) And since it was dark and I couldnt totally see what it was, it freaked me out so bad that I had to get out of the damn pool! Of course, it didnt help that they didnt have the underwater lights on either, so the water was pretty dark. I dont know... its such an odd phobia for me to figure out. I'm just weird.

Not much going on, I'm still in quarantine.  Just about all of my pox are scabbed over.  My face is starting to look better, the scabs are coming off, so just a lot of red dots now.  I hope by the end of next week they are mostly gone.  Tomorow it will have been a full week since I have left the house other then to take Hannah out to the backyard.  Never thought I would say it, but I will actually be glad to go back to work.  I'm sure that will change soon as I walk into work, lol. 
Mom is getting her new floors laid, they did the porch today and it looks good!  Will look good when its all said and done.

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Horiscope

A silly little horoscope from Facebook:
"A field that you've had a passion for recently could be easier to break into than you think."
Hmmm... well lately I have been thinking about how I would like to get into a career in Wildlife Conservation. Is this the 'field that I've had a passion for recently'?

Most of my chicken pox are starting to scab over. I still have some 'bubbles' though. Apparently, those are the buggers that are infectious. I wish they would hurry up and scab over so I can get this put behind me! I really want my face to clear up... even if I wasn't contagious, I dont think I could go out in public. I look so ridiculous. And can I say being in quarantine is BORING? It's B..O..R..I..N..G!

Crack-Head Clown, checking in...

I've dubbed myself Crack Head Clown, lol. With all the calamine lotion on my face, that is really what I look like. I'm back at home, at least for a few more minutes. Decided with as long as I am going to be at mom's, I should come and get my Sky kitty. I was missing her! She has already cussed me out of course, but she missed me too :) Oh, and of have waited until after dark to venture out of quarantine... I think I will be feeling like a vampire before this whole ordeal is said and done :O Oooh, hey a little more calamine on my body and I will be just as white as one!

I think I may have hit the peak of these pox.  Haven't noticed any new ones.  My face is still hideous, and now I look like a clown on crack with all the calamine.  My scalp and head started getting really painful last night.  It was a long night sleeping.  Well, when I did sleep.  Today has been painful as well, but not as bad.  Doc says I will be out of commison for about 3 weeks.  I only have 40 hours of sick pay, so money is going to be a problem, but that will be a bridge to cross when I get to it.

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Hideous....

Omg my face looks hideous :( I feel horrible, I want to cry... and I want my mommy. Tonight I am going over to stay at her house until I'm better. And I'm going after dark, cause I dont even want to go out looking like this and have people see me! I'm gonna be so embarassed going to the doc tomorrow....

Chicken Pox? Seriously??

So yeah, as the title says... I think I have chicken pox. Actually I'm pretty sure I do. First noticed symptoms Thursday. I'm already getting over a cold, but I noticed that one of the glands/nodes on the back of my neck was swollen and started to hurt. Didnt think much of it, figured I would keep an eye on it. Then that night, when I took my shower, I noticed 3 little blisters on my abdomen. Odd... ok I'll keep my eye on them as well. Next morning (Friday) I woke up and noticed some on my face. I'm like ok well if this gets worse I will go to the doc. Well needless to say I only made it through half my day at work. Started at 1, and by 3 I was not feeling well at all. Started feeling really tired and drained... and aching badly. I was boarding a flight and I thought I was going to pass out I felt so bad. Girl I work with said the things on my face looked like chicken pox... Noooooooooooo! I went through my childhood without ever getting it... my mom even purposly exposed me to it, so I would get it early and not have to go through this! I ended up feeling so badly that I had to leave work and I have never done that since I have been there. Well the aches and pains have continued, as well as more and more of these little blisters. Both nodes/glands on the back of my neck are swollen and super sore. I've looked online and from what I have seen I am sure it's the pox. Mom thinks so as well. So I called in to work for today and tomorrow and on Monday I am going to the doc's. I have 40 hours of sick pay, but I have no idea how long I will be out if it is indeed pox. Well anyway, enough of my rambling on, tomorrow I am going to try and get a picture to post. I am starting to look like a bizaar alien experiment gone wrong!

Meditation

So I think I may want to start meditating. I think that will help me not only to relax, but to also find my spiritual side, and get back on that path. I want to move the furniture around in my room and then set up a little sacred space to meditate, and do other spiritual workings. I feel this is something I need to do to get some balance in my life!

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired! I have been sick since Saturday. I think I am making an upward trend to healthiness but I still feel super drained. Why must it take so long to recover?!

Sick :(

Well today I was supposed to meet up with Mary who is in town promoting her music.  I haven't seen her in a long time... but I've gotten this horrible cold, so I couldn't go.    To make matters worse, I have to work at 5am!  I can't call in, so I am sleeping and resting lots today so I can hopefully feel better by then.  I did get a Mother's Day call from Mal though, so that made me happy.  Auntie called me the other day and said he made it thru his 1st week at the alternative school without problems.  Let's hope he keep it up!  Well I guess that's about it for now, gonna watch tv and probably sleep.

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Well unfortunatly I didnt get the job at Amscot. I got the generic email yesterday saying "We're sorry, but you do not meet the minimum qualifications necessary." Blah blah... which means I didnt pass the credit check. Yes, I said credit check... they actually do a credit check when you apply! With today's economy, WHO has good credit?! Oh well... it was something to get excited about with the $12 an hour. But I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, so this obviuosly wasnt meant to be. I will just move on to the next! Going to keep looking.

Little Hellion

Sigh....
Well it seems that Mal is STILL getting into trouble. It's already been determined that he is getting kicked out of school, and has to go to the alternative school. But he is still doing things to get into trouble. I am so worried about him. If he keep up like this he will end up in jail. Yanno, several years ago I made the decision to let him go stay with his father, because I knew that it would be better for him. But now I wonder if I made the right decision. After all the bullshit that his dad put me through a couple years ago, making me look like I was a terrible mother... it looks like Karma has come back and bit him in the ass. But I just wish that it wasn't sacrificing my son's well being to do so... It hurts me so much to be so far away and not be able to take him and make things better for him.

I feel good!

I had my interview at Amscot this morning. I feel pretty good about it! I went in there, filled out the paper work, took the math test. I only got 3 wrong on that so that was good. She asked me a bunch of questions, and she seemed pretty pleased with my answers. They are going to run a credit check though, which I am a little worried about. But I keep telling myself that if I can get into an apartment on my credit, this shouldnt be a problem. So crossing my fingers on this. The position starts at $12- $14 an hour (YAY) and their goal is to get people in an trained in the company so 6 months from now they can get people promoted to branch managers. They make up to $60,000 a year!!! It will be 55 hours a week, but for that kind of money I'LL DO IT! So yeah... I went in there with a positive attitude hoping for positive results in return. I hope I get them! She said I will know by Tuesday at 6pm. Its going to be a LONG 4 days...

Positive thoughts

Today I have decided that I am going to try and have nothing but positive thoughts. I believe that thinking positive can work wonders... positive attitude attracts positive energies, and negative attitude attracts negative energies. Therefore, if I think positive then maybe tomorrow's interview will be a success!

Kepping my fingers crossed...

As I said on my earlier post, I applied for a job today at Amscot, online. While I was at work I got a call from them! Called the recruiter back, and I have an appointment to go see her on Friday morning. I'm not real sure how it will go, I think they are looking for managers, but I am going to give it a shot anyway. Starting at $12 - $14 an hour, I cant NOT try! So I have done up my resume, printed it out, and am ready to do this. Just need to think positive thoughts and and keep my fingers crossed... Oh, what I could do with that extra money!!

Amscot!

Just went online and applied for a job at Amscot. I heard they pay about $10 an hour. I can live with that!!

There has to be goals!

So far I only have 2, but hey... its a start lol.  Babysteps!

1) Get a new job with a NORMAL schedule.
2) Get back in school.

I really have to get a new job.  This whole flip flopping of shifts and schedules is just out of control.  I cant get to goal #2 without a decent schedule!

So that brings me to #2.  I have been looking at medical coding.  I really want to be a vet tech or do something with animals, but it's so hard to get into a school for that.  And medical coding is actually pretty good money, so I think this is what I will do.  Hey, I can always volunteer at the local animal shelter, right?  Valencia (the community college near me) offers a degree in medical coding, so I have been looking into it.  I have already gone to their website and requested info. 

I was talking to Mal not long ago and he said that when he graduates from high school he wants to come down to Florida to live and go to college here.  I have to be ready to help him out if and when this time comes!  I have really been giving things a lot of thought these last few days and I think its time for me to buck up and concentrate on getting my life back in order.  Im sure it wont be easy, there will be trials and tribulations but I think I am ready to do this FINALLY.

Ok, here's my blog.

I originally made this blog a long while ago for Wet Katz in SL.  Since that is no longer active, I decided I would use it for myself.  I am a facebook-a-holic, but one thing that I would love to have on it is a blog!  So yeah, here is where you will find random blurbs from me about my very UNexciting life lol.